


Apple Path

by aspiringWatcher



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Epilogues route, Gen, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-01-31 12:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspiringWatcher/pseuds/aspiringWatcher
Summary: And all amid them stood the tree of life,High eminent, blooming ambrosial fruitOf vegetable gold; and next to life,Our death, the tree of knowledge, grew fast by,Knowledge of good bought dear by knowing ill.- John Milton,Paradise LostA speculation about a certain windy boy and the way his adventure could have concluded.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here goes nothing.
> 
> Thanks to kazuchii asking optimisticDuelist about the idea of an apple-themed epilogue path for reminding me to put my concepts to test.
> 
> Read the Homestuck Epilogues' Prologue first for best experience.

...Meat or candy, John. Meat or candy?

You release your breath when you realize you’ve been holding it. You’re being ridiculous. What’s the sense of fussing over lunch? In the end, it really doesn’t matter. Whatever you choose, it’ll all be flushed down the toilet tomorrow.

Just go with your gut. Don’t sweat the small stuff. There are much more important things out there to fuck yourself up over.

Your hand reaches for the slab of cold, hard meat. Tough to chew. Tougher to swallow.  
Your eyes dart to the piles of candy. So sweet it could make you sick. Something that you will regret later.  
You blink as the piece of meat - you can’t identify its source - drips blood as you hold it in your hand. A thought crosses your mind as you look into Roxy’s eyes.  
You remember LoWaS. You had to pick a third option there, right?

JOHN: apple.  
ROXY: what?

You clear your throat as you put the meat back.

JOHN: i think i would like to eat an apple. could you conjure some of those? with your void powers? please?  


Roxy looks at you, her face twisted into an emotion between disappointment and befuddlement. Calliope, though, seems worried. More worried than you’d expect her to be.

ROXY: ok john

She raises her arms, and a bushel pops into existence between them. She looks upwards, trying to remember something-

JOHN: is everything okay?  
ROXY: hold your horses for a second

Small apples start raining down the bushel like hailstones, quickly filling it. At one moment, you spot a dash of blue. Could it be…?  
You reach into the bushel and grasp at what you think to be the blue object. It’s an apple.  
The cruxite apple you bit into right as the meteor struck the place where your house used to be.

You asked Rose about its meaning at some point, and she told you about how the apple represented your innocence. Lack of knowledge about the world; something related to the writing on the walls and the lack of clowns in your father’s office. You don’t remember most of it.  
You rotate the apple, slightly prodding the sky blue skin. It resembles a gusher, now that you think about it. Tasty, sweet, nutritious, bursting with juice. Your favourite snack.

If you bite into it, there’s no going back.

Why did you think that? It is just a fruit gusher that is shaped like an apple.  
Calliope, done with one of the small apples, is looking at you.

CALLIOPE: i don’t think i like apples.  
CALLIOPE: they are too soUr for my tastes.  
CALLIOPE: bUt if yoU woUld like to share that candy-looking apple, i woUld gladly try a bite.

To hell with all this.  
You bite into the gusher-tasting cruxite, once again, like you’ve done ten years ago.  
The taste is overwhelming; you’re drowning in juice. Was there anything else other than this saccharine savour? Why wo-  
Wait, no, it’s just a gusher. Everything under control, haha. Nothing to be concerned with.  
You look at the juice stains at your hands. Did you swallow it in one bite?  
Calliope, slightly disappointed with your actions, is looking at Roxy. She shrugs and pulls out a box of fruit gushers from the same bushel where apples used to be just a minute ago.

ROXY: john u spent a minute with a dumb expression on ur face  
ROXY: thats dope even for u  
ROXY: are u sure this apple didnt have any in it  
ROXY: because im not  
JOHN: i’m fine.  
CALLIOPE: are yoU sUre?

You look at Calliope. She’s working through the gusher box, strawberry red juices trickling down her chin.

JOHN: yes, i am.

You reach for the normal, small apples within the bushel and bite into one of them. It’s sour, just like you’ve expected it to be, but at least it will help with the sickly taste in your mouth.

CALLIOPE: what are yoU going to do, john?  
CALLIOPE: yoU were planning to fight my brother, right?  
CALLIOPE: are yoU going to go throUgh with yoUr plan?  
ROXY: on a second thought i think its a pretty dumb idea  
ROXY: who cares about le and his tantrums  
CALLIOPE: i care.  
CALLIOPE: as yoU probably shoUld.  
CALLIOPE: if we leave this particUlar loop Uncompleted oUr existence within this Universe will not be jUstified, and i cannot gUarantee that the conseqUences of this decision will be beneficial.

You look at the sky. Something must be done about Lord English.

“Bye, John.”

A memory stirs in your head. Something Dave told you: this is what Rose said before her decision to die back in the Sburb session.  
Something she said to you this morning.  
You will not meet again if you go there, will you?

JOHN: you are right, calliope.  
JOHN: we must do some thing about your brother.  
ROXY: wait what  
JOHN: i said we must do some thing about calliope’s brother.  
JOHN: i am not going to do it alone.  
JOHN: you are coming with me, roxy.  
JOHN: as everyone else is.  
JOHN: dave, jade, jane, rose, jake and dirk.  
JOHN: calliope, you should stay, though.  
CALLIOPE: that’s fair.  
CALLIOPE: i don’t think i’ll be a great asset in a fight!  
JOHN: same for karkat and kanaya.  
JOHN: it wouldn’t do for them to die in the process.  
JOHN: at least we are some what immortal.  
ROXY: if we bite it heroically we r not going to benefit from immortality  
ROXY: please remember that  
JOHN: i will.

You nod to Roxy, and stand up.

JOHN: it’s settled.  
JOHN: let’s gather in the can town.  
JOHN: see you soon!

Calliope waves to you as you leap into the air and fly off.

Who are you going to talk to next?


	2. Chapter 2

Who, John?

Maybe you should talk to Rose that you’ve decided to drag everyone back into the mess?

Wait, didn’t she tell you that the rest of you eight can’t do anything about Lord English because they’re no longer tied to the narrative or something? This seems to throw a wrench into your plans.

You stop for a second, floating high above a city. Purple and golden buildings line the streets below; this must be a carapacian city.

You land amongst the locals, highly agitated by your presence, and start slowly walking to the north, in the direction of the tallest building of the city. 

Wait, is that a church?

NAÏVE PREACHER: THE GOD IS HERE!   
JOHN: what?   
NAÏVE PREACHER: THE GOD IS HERE!   
JOHN: calm down, please. i just want to see what’s inside.

You gently push the panicking bishop-looking Prospitian aside and enter the church.

A memory flashes before your eyes-

You’re on LoWaS, hammering your way through basilisks and ogres as a salamander child cries somewhere in the air. You kick a giclops in the eye and tear the horrible progeny of a squiddle and a plush rabbit from its arm, before darting to the bawling child, grabbing them and flying away, back to the village-

You shake your head, as if you were trying to shake off the memory. This church is clearly modeled after the Land of Wind and Shade’s terrain: black sky, blue marble floor, vines of glowing mushrooms illuminating the room, and on the back wall-

Is it you?

Yes, it is you, in your Heir of Breath regalia, rendered in stained glass with cyan streaks of wind swirling around, with an inscription below:

_ They wait for he who would extinguish candles whilst fanning a fire. _

GRIZZLED VETERAN: Hey.   
JOHN: oh?   
GRIZZLED VETERAN: It’s not every day that a god blasts in like a spazzy dou. 

He catches himself in the middle of his words.

GRIZZLED VETERAN: Pardon me for my speech, but it’s fucking hard to shake off old habits.   
JOHN: it’s okay.

Another memory crosses your mind-

It’s fragmentary; you only catch flashes of yourself, flying with a jetpack, as red text meshes with your blue-

Dave. It’s Dave, talking you out of rushing Typheus.

You haven’t seen him for a long, long time.

You nod to the Veteran, pass by the still-panicking Preacher and fly off into the rising dawn, into Troll Empire’s daytime.

You manage to catch normally alert Dave and Karkat by surprise only because, as it appears, you arrived right during one of Jade’s unscheduled visits.

Karkat is the first person to notice your presence.

KARKAT: OH. HEY. THE BLUE CAVALRY HAS ARRIVED.

You narrowly dodge Jade’s attempt to tackle you into a teleport-hug combo and spin through the room to high-five Karkat and bro-fist Dave.

JADE: hi john!!!   
DAVE: did your picnic with roxy make you suspend your hermitage   
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK THIS WORD MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.   
DAVE: cool    
DAVE: sorry but i dont care   
JOHN: hello everyone.   
JOHN: i’m very glad you’re happy to see me, dave.

Dave smiles, cradling his prize - a bottle of lime juice - apparently barely wrestled from Jade during a temporal-spatial clash of old friends.

DAVE: can you please warn us the next time you do that   
DAVE: and by that i mean decide to drop your blue-clad ass out of the blue   
JOHN: okay-

You trip on a box of something apparently fragile. Karkat winces.

KARKAT: SEE? OUT OF ALL THE BOXES WE JUST PACKED, YOU JUST HAD TO STUMBLE INTO THE ONE THAT’S MORE FRAGILE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS HOUSE!   
KARKAT: PLEASE INFORM US OF YOUR DECISIONS TO SHOW UP BEFORE WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO DORK-PROOF THIS HOUSE!   
KARKAT: OR, WELL, THE ONE WE LIVE IN WHEN YOU DECIDE TO CALL-   
JOHN: wait, are you moving?   
JADE: yes, we are moving to carapace kingdom and i was helping them to pack when you showed up.   
JOHN: i didn’t know you decided to move in with them.   
JADE: oh, no, we are moving separately.   
JADE: we are still going to be neighbours!   
DAVE: its not that a world-hopping dog cant visit whenever she wants to

You make another step and land onto the couch.

JOHN: dave, jade, i need your help.   
DAVE: what   
JADE: what?   
KARKAT: HOLD ON. WHAT ABOUT ME?   
JOHN: i fear you won’t be much use where we are going.   
KARKAT: WHAT?   
DAVE: thats very rude of you john   
JOHN: geez, it’s almost as if he’s not immortal.   
JOHN: unlike you, or me, or jade.   
DAVE: fair   
DAVE: if you want to admonish some ass kicking to caliborn its a good idea to leave karkat behind   
DAVE: hes not a great fighter   
KARKAT: DAVE.   
DAVE: you are great at many things but none of them are fighting   
DAVE: well fighting too but you know what i mean   
DAVE: its not safe for you to go with us   
DAVE: how about you make some soup for us all by the time we come back   
KARKAT: OKAY.   
KARKAT: BUT WHY SOUP?   
DAVE: soup is good to enjoy with your friends   
DAVE: a big pot of soup for everyone   
KARKAT: I ACCEPT MY ROLE AS THE TEAM’S SOUP MAKER.   
DAVE: cool   
JADE: hold on!   
JADE: you want to beat up caliborn, right?   
JADE: did you talk to anyone else?   
JOHN: well, roxy is waiting for us in the can town.   
JOHN: which is more of a can city by now.   
DAVE: so the plan is   
DAVE: one gather in can town   
DAVE: two get to caliborn   
DAVE: three beat his ass up   
DAVE: four come back   
DAVE: five soup   
JADE: yes!   
JADE: i will pack our weaponry, okay?   
DAVE: sure   
DAVE: grab some creamsicles   
KARKAT: WHAT FOR?   
DAVE: what kind of a civilization doesnt have creamsicles   
KARKAT: CERTAINLY NOT THE ONE-   
DAVE: not the one terezi would like to do anything with

You look around. Dave mentioning Terezi certainly killed the mood.

JADE: i hope she is okay :(   
DAVE: mhmmm   
KARKAT: SURE.   
KARKAT: NOW, WHY DON’T YOU HURRY?   
KARKAT: I WANT YOU TWO BACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.   
JOHN: okay!   
JOHN: see you soon.

You leave the coach, navigate past the boxes on the floor and open the door.

JOHN: bye everyone!   
DAVE: adios   
JADE: bye john!    
KARKAT: SEE YOU SOON, EGBERT.

You close the door behind you and hear scuffle resume. 

JOHN: is that lime juice really worth it?   
KARKAT: OF COURSE.   
KARKAT: IT’S LIME JUICE.   
KARKAT: IT’S THE BEST BEVERAGE YOUR CIVILIZATION EVER DECIDED TO INVENT.

Something briefly crosses your mind, and you chuckle. Something about limes and Karkat. What was it, even?

Whatever.

You have recruited three people so far; four left. Who is going to be next?


	3. Chapter 3

You stop for a second and consider your options. That’s Dirk, Jake, Jane and Rose, and you still need to figure out how to smuggle everyone back into the position of relevance.

You remember being invited to Dirk and Jake’s showdowns, and decide against visiting them right now. Perhaps later, when they’re not that busy trying to kick ass.

That leaves Jane and Rose…and you settle for Jane, because visiting Rose is something you’d rather postpone for the end.

You take off and soar to Crockercorp’s HQ. It doesn’t take you long. The sun is bright here, and as you approach the HQ, you elect to enter directly through the open window - which you fail to find - instead of taking the conventional route.

You fully expect to find Jane, arguing with someone about her policies.

What you do not expect is for that someone to be Kanaya.

KANAYA: These Plans You Have For The Future Of My Species Are Very Frustrating  
JANE: I know, Kanaya, but I do not think I have a better option than this one.  
KANAYA: Then Why Cant You Listen To What I Have To Say  
KANAYA: Stop Your Expansionist Program Relax The Restrictions You Have Been Trying To Implement And Just Allow Us To Live In Peace  
JANE: And how are we supposed to deal with the trolls’ explosive breeding?  
KANAYA: I Think You Forget That If We Dont Expand The Breeding Caverns Beyond What They Already Are We Wont Have To Deal With That  
JANE: Do you think we live in a post-scarcity economy or what?

Kanaya doesn’t answer. Instead of that, she retrieves her husktop and deploys an alchemiter.

JANE: Not in my office! :B  
KANAYA: These Exist  
JANE: I cannot argue with this.  
KANAYA: I Expect You To Consider This  
KANAYA: By The Way Hi John  
KANAYA: Why Dont You Enter The Room

Oh, she finally noticed you.

JOHN: i’d love to, but the window is closed from the inside.  
JANE: Hi John!  
JANE: Let me open it.

She presses a button under her table, and you pass through, landing next to Kanaya.

KANAYA: Hows Rose  
KANAYA: I Am Going To Visit Her Next But I Would Love To Know How She Is Now  
JOHN: oh, she’s not well. she needs these pills to function.  
JOHN: wait, don’t you two live together?  
KANAYA: She Moved Out When The Caverns Became Too Much For Her  
KANAYA: I Would Move Too But I Cant Do It Yet  
KANAYA: She Understands  
JANE: John, didn’t you want to talk to me?  
JOHN: i did.  
JOHN: i am planning to fight lord english and i want your help.  
JOHN: we could really use a healer.  
JOHN: i have already talked to roxy, dave and jade and they are waiting in the can town.  
JANE: I am not sure I have the time for that. All this management is exhausting and-  
KANAYA: I Can Take Care Of This  
JANE: What?  
KANAYA: Karkat Messaged Me On How He Is Staying Here Because He Is Too Mortal For That  
KANAYA: This Means You Were Probably Planning To Tell Me To Stay Here Too  
KANAYA: I Believe I Have The Competence Required To Take Care Of Janes Enterprise While You Are Enacting Your Duty To Preserve The Continuity Of This Timeline  
JANE: You don’t!  
KANAYA: I Have Seen Your Schedule For This Week  
KANAYA: I Do Have The Competence To Do Nothing And Pretend I Am Actually Doing Something Until A Certain Roadblock Is Cleared  
KANAYA: Which Is Not To Happen For A While  
KANAYA: As For Any Other Duty I Assure You I Will Only Need This Alchemiter

Kanaya casually alchemizes a glass of “wine” and sips it.

KANAYA: And If One Of Your Officers Decides To Have An Objection To Your Temporary Replacement Being A Troll

She crushes the glass in her fist, spilling the scarlet liquid, and retrieves a violet-orange tube of black lipstick.

KANAYA: I Will Remind Them What Their Duties Are  
JANE: Please don’t mistreat my officers, Kanaya.  
KANAYA: I Will Treat Them Appropriately  
JANE: Very well. Where are we gathering our forces, John?  
JOHN: the can town.  
JANE: I will prepare a transportalizer.  
JOHN: see you.  
KANAYA: See You Soon John  
JOHN: huh?  
KANAYA: You Havent Convinced Rose Yet Right  
JOHN: i’m thinking about this.

You leap out of the window and land onto the ground, right in front of a spork banner-

Wait, not again-

It stops as soon as it starts, an omen of death and destruction. Smoke and blood and pain of a battlefield; was that a drone you smashed? And why did it have Jane’s signature spoon on it?

Was that Karkat, wearing an eyepatch? And was it Meenah next to him, golden ring on her right hand? Why did trolls and humans go to war?

it’s because of jane, a voice within your head echoes.  
she was distrustful, another responds.  
she believed trolls would outnumber and conquer humans, so she decided to nip the problem in the bud, third, louder one, mutters; unlike the first two, this one is feminine, yet still achingly similar.

Why do you remember all these things?

Is Rose’s condition also affecting you now?

Or is that somehow connected to the apple you ate today?

the apple, the last voice responds.  
the point of no return, another echoes.  
you made a choice neither of us would have made.  
it is a gift of knowledge which is right fully yours.

JOHN: Why me?

you are a heir of breath, right?  
this is your inheritance. the freedom of choice.  
but there is no freedom if you are ignorant of your options.

JOHN: What should I do now?

go on.  
go on.  
go on.

You roll your eyes and head for the stadium, where Dirk and Jake should be close to finishing their rumble.


	4. Chapter 4

Somewhere near the stadium, you land onto the ground, and then carefully let yourself into the labyrinthian service rooms through an open window instead of taking the logical route of descending onto the arena. 

You narrowly evade a janitor, and decide to- 

don’t. 

One of the other Johns cuts you off right as you’re about to turn back and greet the janitor. 

JOHN: why? what’s the problem with that? 

you shouldn’t cause unnecessary changes if you can help it.  
just try not to talk to people if you can help it, okay? 

JOHN: sure. 

You continue, and something in the back of your head tells you that the janitor didn’t notice you talking out loud. 

You pass by a few more rooms, each strangely devoid of sapient life, and miraculously bump into Jake. 

JAKE: Oh hello John.  
JOHN: hello!  
JAKE: What are you doing here?  
JOHN: well, you see… 

You pause for a bit, gathering your thoughts. 

JOHN: i’m planning to pay a visit to lord english and kick his ass.  
JOHN: and i think i could use your help, because- 

because this is where lord english got his name from, one of the other Johns cuts in. 

JOHN: because this is where lord english got his name from.  
JOHN: from you kicking his ass.  
JAKE: Whoah really?  
JAKE: My old grandma said she named herself English to challenge him.  
JAKE: You can’t be serious right? We two owe our last name to each other.  
JAKE: Because if you are right, then I have to show up and kick his ass to allow my grandma to name herself after him. 

just like a juju. 

JOHN: are you in?  
JAKE: Sure!  
JOHN: we are gathering in the can town.  
JAKE: But, you know, let me change my clothes first, I’m a little sweaty after all this rumbling with-  
DIRK: With me. 

oh, great. 

DIRK: I heard about your plans.  
DIRK: Can Town it is.  
DIRK: Don’t be late, John.  
DIRK: The decisions you are making will have an effect on all of us, and I don't want you to fuck this all up. 

There’s a steely note in his voice, implying… 

hostility?  
irritation?  
disapproval? 

JOHN: hello, dirk.  
JOHN: i don’t think i’m going to be late.  
JOHN: i just need to convince rose-  
DIRK: Sure you do.  
DIRK: I’m curious how are you planning to account for her disability.  
JOHN: i-  
DIRK: If I were you I’d think twice before trying to drag Rose into this.  
JAKE: She’ll manage! She’s a god, just like we are, right Dirk?  
DIRK: Not with her recent enlightenment. 

this one was awful. 

JOHN: i’ll find a way. 

Dirk doesn’t respond. He turns away and walks away down the corridor. 

JOHN: where are you going?  
DIRK: Don’t forget about Rose.  
JAKE: Wait! 

He stops. 

JAKE: We should probably rest for a while before paying a visit to Lord English?  
JAKE: An adventure like that is going to be exhausting, won’t it?  
DIRK: We shall have enough time for resting once gathered.  
DIRK: Let’s go, Jake. 

Jake shrugs and follows Dirk, who opens a door in the distance - leading to another room, you suppose. 

As it closes behind them, you hear: 

DIRK: Remember what I’ve told you, John. 

finally.  
can we already go and meet rose?  
that is going to be a better expenditure of your time. of _our_ time. 

JOHN: do you three have something against dirk? 

well- 

John’s voice stops in its tracks. 

i don’t trust him.  
neither do i, and neither should you. 

JOHN: my alternate selves are setting me against dirk.  
JOHN: fucking superb. 

you sound like dave.  
well, he did spend a lot of time with davesprite didn’t he?  
_i_ did, not he. he’s-  
no, she’s completely right, he’s the pre-retcon version- 

JOHN: can you three shut up for a second?  
JOHN: i need to think what should i do about rose.  
JOHN: and why am i suddenly so comfortable with all of you residing in my head. 

why don’t you go to rose’s house instead? you can think about that in the process.  
finally a good idea from you.  
shut up.

JOHN: here we go. 


	5. Chapter 5

You arrive to Rose’s place, once again, and- 

no.  
not the balcony. 

You sigh and descend to the entrance, and knock on the door. To your utter- 

none of that. 

_fine._  
You are in no way surprised to find Kanaya there. 

KANAYA: Hello Again John  
JOHN: hi.  
KANAYA: I Expected You To Arrive A Few Hours Later  
JOHN: am i interrupting something-  
KANAYA: Rose Isnt Feeling Well  
KANAYA: I Think You May Enter If You Want To Talk To Her  
JOHN: sure.

You enter the door - as a normal, mortal human would - and look at Rose, still laying on the coach. 

She opens her eyes, and notices you. Her expression changes slowly, from pain to a hint of anger. 

ROSE: What are you doing?  
JOHN: sorry?  
ROSE: John, Kanaya told me what’s going on.  
ROSE: You are not supposed to be doing this.  
ROSE: Just stop.  
ROSE: I am not going with you, either way. I can’t.  
KANAYA: I Have To Agree Here  
KANAYA: She Is In No Condition To Leave The House  
KANAYA: Let Alone Fight  
ROSE: Well, I suppose I can leave the house. But this is the limit of what I can do with my body at this point.   
JOHN: is there anything i can do?  
KANAYA: No  
ROSE: No.

yes.

JOHN: what?

listen carefully john. i am going to walk you through this. do what i tell you to.

KANAYA: I Fail To See What Is There To Not To Understand  
JOHN: i do have an idea.  
JOHN: well, technically not me.  
ROSE: Hold on.  
ROSE: What did you eat today?  
JOHN: a cruxite apple, just like the one i ate when we started playing sburb.  
ROSE: …  
KANAYA: …  
KANAYA: I Guess I Will Leave For Now  
KANAYA: I Love You Rose But Whatever Conversation Is About To Happen Is Not Something I Want To Be Privy To  
JOHN: why so?  
ROSE: Answer honestly, John.

Kanaya closes the door behind her. 

ROSE: Have you been hearing voices of your other selves?

yes.  
yes.  
yes. 

JOHN: yes.  
JOHN: i think there are three of them, constantly talking to me and giving me advice.  
ROSE: Wonderful.  
ROSE: I suppose neither of them have deigned to explain what is going on?  
JOHN: well, they’ve said something about how it’s my inheritance or something-

repeat after me, john.  
one of them says she knows how to allow you to come along. 

JOHN: one of them says she knows how to allow you to come along.  
ROSE: …  
ROSE: Interesting.  
ROSE: And what does she suggest?

i need to do something with my powers to your head.  
liberate your mind’s eye from what can be seen. 

JOHN: i need to do something with my powers to your head.  
JOHN: liberate your mind’s eye from what can be seen.  
ROSE: Is she sure that this will work?

i think it should.

JOHN: i think it should.

i think you were supposed to say that she-  
no, it’s alright, i think john also believes-  
i agree here, while i do think it should i think john also thinks it should.

JOHN: can you three shut up for a second?

rude.

ROSE: Very well. I don’t think it will hurt to try.  
ROSE: Unless that will accidentally sever my capacity for conscious thought or sight.

You approach Rose and offer her your hand. 

forehead, john, you-

JOHN: okay, i got this.  
JOHN: rose, she says i need to put my palm on your forehead and do the windy thing.  
JOHN: this sounds stupid.  
ROSE: This looks fine to me.  
ROSE: Proceed.

You put your palm to Rose’s forehead, as if checking for temperature. It’s too warm, as if- 

JOHN: rose, you have a fever.  
ROSE: Thank you for your observation.

You concentrate.  
And do the windy thing. 

The images of future possibilities cross your mind the same way these other memories did; they are blown away by the winds and scattered into nothing as they cross your imagination.  
You imagine the all-too-many ways this conversation could have gone, and all the tomorrows that could happen, and all the horrors of uncertainty-  
But each of them is just a future that will, most likely, not come to pass, a mere shadow of the present and the real.  
The winds howl, and you recall the many deaths. Did they actually happen? Did you die? Will you die, leaking blood and poison?  
You didn’t. It was someone else, the you that was and the you that might be and not the you that you became and the you that you are. 

Rose pushes you aside. 

ROSE: Please stop.

You look at her, confused. 

ROSE: You almost tore away a memory I would rather keep.  
ROSE: I’m fine now.  
JOHN: are you really fine?

Rose stands up, snaps her fingers and blinks a few times. 

ROSE: I can’t use my powers.  
ROSE: There’s only howling wind even when I concentrate. On the other hand, my body is working the way I would like it to work.  
ROSE: I will fight. But we need to hurry. My vision will come back, sooner and later, and then I will need someone to carry me home.  
JOHN: wait, you can’t see?  
ROSE: No, I'm not blind.  
ROSE: Well, not in the literal sense. My eyes still can see.  
JOHN: great!  
ROSE: Can Town. I shall now be on my way. Please tell Kanaya it worked, and hurry up.

great.  
let’s hurry. 

JOHN: wait, don’t you want to personally tell your wife you are fine?  
ROSE: Oh. Right.  
ROSE: I will talk to Kanaya, then.  
ROSE: Meet me in Can Town, I will arrive as soon as I can.


	6. Chapter 6

You look up.  
The sky above your head is blue, shot through with lines of yellow, orange and red. 

Six of your coplayers - everyone but Rose, whom you are expecting to arrive any minute - are arguing in the distance. You can’t hear them from this distance, though- 

Roxy spots you, and waves her hand. You wave back and approach the group. 

JADE: hi john!  
JADE: where’s rose?  
JOHN: she’ll be here soon.  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: anyway to draw the line  
DAVE: do we have any plans  
JADE: nope.  
JANE: I don’t think I have any ideas to share.  
ROXY: we probably need to make sure everyone comes out alive so jane i think you ought to hang back and only patch us up when needed  
JANE: I like how this is going.  
JANE: Do you have anything to say about this, Dirk?  
DIRK: No.  
JADE: i think i have an idea.  
JADE: if we are going back into canon, does that mean i will be able to use my first guardian powers?  
ROSE: Most likely. 

You turn back and see the last person you’ve been waiting for. 

ROSE: I suggest we take a closer peek at our combat abilities.  
ROSE: I will not be able to use my forecasting power as a Seer of Light, but my needlewands operate exactly as I would like them to. 

She discharges a bolt of light into the sky as a demonstration. 

ROSE: Therefore, I will stay back and provide ranged support.  
ROSE: John is an agile melee fighter, so he should focus on inflicting damage and impeding Caliborn with his aerokinesis.  
JOHN: Aero-what?  
ROSE: The ability to control wind.  
ROSE: Furthermore, as far as I remember, you can turn into wind when attacked, so it would make sense for you to, so to say, “tank” a bit.  
JOHN: got it.  
DAVE: okay so i got time powers except for fuck that  
DAVE: i dont want to mess up a loop and end up with a death sentence on my neck  
ROSE: That is why you should try to use them in some other way.  
ROSE: In fact, I think that your chief utility in this skirmish would lie in fraymotifs you will allow us to use.  
DAVE: great  
DAVE: i have a few ideas on specific applications karkat and i hashed out a year ago because we were bored  
DAVE: ill drop yall the summary via pesterchum 

Your phone beeps. You take time to check it. Interesting. 

ROSE: Now, Jade.  
ROSE: Assuming that your First Guardian powers will be at your disposal-  
JADE: i will figure out what to do then.  
JADE: sorry.  
ROSE: It’s fine.  
ROSE: Otherwise, you will have to fall back on your abilities as a Witch of Space and your rifles.  
JADE: got it, make sure lord english gets shot properly!  
ROSE: Now for the rest of us.  
ROSE: Roxy, what are you going to do?  
ROXY: idk rose ig i can just shoot the fuck out of le  
ROXY: or maybe try and stab him with dirk’s katana a few times until it works  
ROSE: Great. Make sure you don’t get caught in the crossfire.  
ROXY: id have to put in effort to  
ROXY: anyway does anyone want a last-minute gift  
JOHN: i suppose we all could use something you may conjure.  
ROXY: here u go

An umbrella pops into existence. Roxy flips it once, twice and taps the bottom spring.  
A skeleton frame unfurls itself, with patches of darkness tight between the ribs. 

JOHN: an umbrella?  
ROXY: a good shield if you need one  
ROXY: gimme a few seconds and i’ll make something in this vein for all of you  
ROSE: Very well.  
ROSE: I believe we have established that Jane is on healer duty.  
JANE: Correct.  
JANE: I am on healer duty.  
ROSE: Now, Jake… I think you should also hang back and shoot your pistols-  
JAKE: I will! But I also have an idea regarding this.  
JAKE: I have been experimenting with my powers and- 

He retrieves a notebook and you zone out as you inspect Roxy’s gift. It’s an ordinary umbrella, but once you press your palm against the surface it sinks in, sending cold ripples across your arm. 

You overhear Jake mentioning something along the lines of “gay hope bubble” and pull your arm out, now covered by a thin layer of cold sweat. 

JOHN: that’s enough. thank you, jake.  
ROSE: What about you, Dirk?  
DIRK: I have the unbreakable katana, and I suppose that my soul-destroying ability will be necessary once we subdue Caliborn.  
DIRK: I believe I can handle myself in a fight.  
DIRK: John, are you going to be our transportation?  
JOHN: sure!  
JOHN: i haven’t zapped this many people before, though. 

hey john.  
tell them to hold hands in a circle.  
oh, and by the way - we won’t be able to assist you, sorry! 

Your response is not spoken but thought. 

JOHN: why?

you’re going back in canon.  
and, for certain reasons-  
you’ll see.  
stay safe. 

JOHN: why don’t you tell me what will happen?

that will cause problems.

JOHN: okay.  
ROSE: John, did your imaginary voices tell you anything of use?  
JOHN: does “we won’t help you” count?  
DAVE: i suppose  
DAVE: should we all hold hands or what  
JOHN: that is a good idea.

Eight of you stand in a circle, hands clasped.  
You focus on your adversary. His sneer, his battered outfit, his ugly drawings. 

You hear a soft “zap”, and find yourselves - and your seven companions - somewhere else.  
Somewhere else bereft of the concept of light. You let go of Dave and Rose. 

ROSE: He is below us.  
JAKE: how do you know?  
ROSE: To me, a source of light in such a place is a blinding beacon in how noticeable it is, even with my dampened sight.

You look down. There it is, gray spotlight. 

An idea circles in your mind - eight sparks, spiraling, descending and landing onto the platform, which is where you find yourself moments later. 

Lord English - or his teenage, skeletal form you have fought - stands before you, in his stupid outfit with a still-ripped cape, clutching a doll - Lil Cal! The smattering of purple behind him is merely Gamzee, holding a robot bunny.  
This is beyond ridiculous. 

CALIBORN: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

You refuse your answer.  
You even refuse to give him a thumbs-down. 

Instead of that, you open with a gust of wind which sends him flying. He falls over the chest and hits his skull against the floor. He tries to stand up, ineffectually. 

JOHN: is that all?  
CALIBORN: HOW UTTERLY RUDE OF YOU.  
CALIBORN: I HAVE INTENDED TO GIVE YOU A PROPER SPEECH. BEFORE CRUSHING YOU AS IT WAS ALWAYS INTENDED.  
CALIBORN: BUT NOW, I WILL JUST SKIP THAT AND TURN YOU INTO MY MASTERPIECE.  
JOHN: what?

He kicks the chest, and it opens. 

A house - just like the house you once found with Vriska at your side - floats upwards, and - 

It flashes. 

Four lacunae, desiring to be filled.  
Four symbols that worm themselves into your brain.  
A gust of wind, a sun, a cog and a galaxy. 

You, Rose, Dave and Jade?  
You struggle for answer as you realize you have been pulled, or teleported, or written into it. 

It’s awfully bright and silent here, and you will remain here for a long, long time. 

ROSE: Oh for fuck’s sake.  
JOHN: what?  
ROSE: John, are you here?  
JOHN: yes.  
DAVE: it only caught the four of us  
ROSE: I was worried. You’ve missed a lot of what has transpired outside.  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: we need to pick them up now  
JOHN: i suppose i will do that once we are out of here.  
JADE: john, how are we going to leave now?  
JOHN: i have no idea.

You try to grasp onto an anchor you remember, but-  
There’s nothing to stop you. You aren’t pulled back.  
You just fail to. 

JOHN: my retcon powers are nullified.  
ROSE: I suppose all that remains is for us to wait until someone lets us out.  
ROSE: And I really hope that my head will stay clear for that long.  
JADE: my space powers don’t work!  
JOHN: good.  
DAVE: i fail to see anything good in that  
ROSE: At least I won’t suffer while we are here.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: i should have remembered  
ROSE: It’s fine.  
ROSE: Does anyone have an idea what to do while we are homestuck?  
JOHN: you didn’t have to say that.


	7. Chapter 7

DAVE: hey guys  
JOHN: what?

You open your eyes and let the light pour into your eyes. 

JOHN: dave, i’ve been trying to sleep.  
ROSE: John, I think it might be something important.  
ROSE: We have been stuck here for-  
DAVE: seventeen days and almost five hours  
DAVE: which accounts for several hundred games of hangman  
ROSE: Thank you.  
DAVE: and we are very lucky that this trap accounts for all of our needs  
DAVE: all of them  
JADE: i think it’s cracking.  
DAVE: yeah thats what ive felt  
DAVE: someone is finally letting us out  
DAVE: how is your lightvision rose  
ROSE: It isn’t back yet, fortunately.  
JADE: h-

The crack rips through the light. 

You and your friends are free. 

Your glasses, still miraculously intact, let you see the scene of destruction: An army of ghosts, assaulting the unwavering Lord English. 

This was your dream.  
No longer a dream. 

The reality around you shivers and snaps in half at English’s command, and - as you adopt yourself to the situation - you spot the tiniest smidgen of cerulean, drawn into the black hole above. 

You lock eyes with Lord English’s adult form. Instead of the flickering pool-balls Caliborn had, this one has eight-balls - what do they mean?  
The answer supplies itself as if you have always known it.  
You give him a thumbs-down. It’s sloppy - if the situation was less tense, Dave would probably think something about the sloppiness - but you don’t even care. 

It’s better this way, you think. 

Warhammer of Zillyhoo pops into your right arm, while Roxy’s umbrella slides into the left. Rose retrieves Quills of Echidna, but Dave and Jade- 

They hesitate for a second. Something pops behind them - you feel it’s the juju.  
You expect Lord English to attack, but he- He keeps massacring ghosts.  
He’s waiting for something. 

DAVE: ill try this sucker out

You realize he is holding Royal Deringer. 

DAVE: honestly the welsh sword would work better but i just feel that this sucker is what i should use  
JADE: wait, what is this?

She points at a bracelet on Dave’s arm. 

DAVE: uh  
DAVE: roxys gift  
JADE: oh  
JADE: well

She hesitates for a moment, before releasing Ahab’s Crosshairs from her specibus with a silent crack. 

JADE: roxy gave me eridan’s stupid gun.  
JADE: she told me it’s very powerful, but it doesn’t seem like it is.  
JADE: maybe i just have to believe that it will work, or something like that-  
ROSE: I think we should hurry.

You turn back to English, who is still seemingly waiting for your challenge. 

ROSE: I think my visions are going to come back soon.

The four of you line up, and Jade opens fire. 

The pale bolt, slightly tinted with green, erupts from the weapon’s tip and crashes into the cherub’s arm, raised in an attempt to block it. 

It barely worked, you think, although- 

JADE: no first guardian powers, then.  
JOHN: wasn’t it tinted green?  
JADE: i think it was the gun’s property-  
DAVE: watch out

Lord English stomps the ground, letting free a storm of glassy black splinters, and unhinges his jaw. 

The blast almost catches you four by surprise, but you notice who it’s aimed at. 

You push Rose out of the stream’s way right as it envelopes you. 

It hurts. 

You feel yourself dissolved, unmade, unwritten by the multicoloured jet, as the light seeps into the very core of your being. You can’t think of anything but pain. 

It will be over in a moment or two, but first you just  
want  
it  
to  
stop.


	8. Chapter 8

The pain, and the world, stop. 

The moment of terror and dissolution is preserved in absolute stillness. 

You can spot all the minuscule shards drawn together Dave’s bracelet, soon to be absorbed without trace, Jade reaching out to you in tears, shocked Rose- 

_she thinks i’m dead,_ a thought crosses my mind.  
wait, what the fuck is going on?  
why is everything stopped? what is happening to _me?_  
wait, i already know. i was about to be dissolved by lord english’s mouth blast.  
i probably need to do something about it. 

You realize you can just ignore that, right? Just think about how it doesn’t harm you in the slightest. 

a thought crosses my mind. "the blast doesn’t harm me in the slightest." 

No, not like that- 

like this?  
the blast doesn’t harm me in the slightest. 

Yes. Correct.  
The blast doesn’t harm you in the slightest. The light fades, and you find yourself safe. 

JOHN: psyche! 

I can’t fucking believe you thought it’s even remotely a good idea to say that now. 

JADE: JOHN, WHAT THE FUCK?   
JOHN: sorry. i don’t know what gripped me. i just thought it was funny and didn’t think of the conseq- 

rose pulls me. she’s breathing slowly, visions about to flood her once again. 

ROSE: John, you need to go.  
ROSE: Bring everyone else here and now. 

i nod. dave looks at me as i wave. 

DAVE: hurry up 

i close my eyes, and warp to- 

Somewhere else.  
Somewhere dark, blue, cool and non-existent.  
Somewhere very much like Land of Wind and Shade you recall, John Egbert, and yet not there at all.  
A replica, a simulacrum, an imperfect replication perfect for such a liminal decision. 

this is not where I want to go. 

This is where I need you to go, John. Somewhere discreet, away from the eyes of those who might be watching. 

i dunno. 

Let me explain a few things to you, John.  
First: As you might have noticed, you have the ability to narrate now. 

i have noticed.  
i raise my arm. a blue cruxite apple pops into my hand. i chuckle and flick it somewhere else, coated in azure light, to land into- 

Wow, you figured out that the apple had to come from somewhere. Very nice of you to take care of that for me, John.  
Second: You are still a protagonist of this story. You _need_ someone to guide you, even with your power to steer it anywhere you want. I offer my guidance. 

why do i even need guidance? 

Let me ask you a question. Would you ever figure out what exactly to do back when Terezi asked you to retcon her killing Vriska? 

… 

My thoughts exactly.  
You need direction. You always needed direction, needed to be told what to do next.  
It’s not bad! But it is inconvenient, sometimes, when you are in such a state.  
Let me offer you an arrangement: I will provide you anchors, and you will amend what you want to amend. 

i don’t think there’s anything in specific i want to change? i- 

You are depressed, John. Isolated. I can’t do anything to change that. But I think there’s someone who would gladly help you.  
But first, the third thing I need to tell you about:  
The power to narrate can be obtained in three ways.  
The first way is to be born, or created, as someone to whom it is inherent. All Storytellers - capital S - are able to do that. You might have spotted a glimpse of one such Storyteller back when you were on the three-year journey with Jade on the Prospit. 

i think i remember something about him… 

His name is Andrew Hussie. He made MSPA and is the person responsible for your story.  
He was killed, at some point, by Lord English, but one thing about Storytellers is that they don’t really die.  
Anyway, the second way is to wrestle the power to narrate away from someone else.  
Killing is the most common and straightforward way to do that. This is how Lord English obtained control of the narrative, and this is how one of the narrators you’ll have to be wary about obtained hers, by wrestling it from her brother’s corpse. 

callie?  
i don’t think she’d seek out to fuck us over. 

Well, not her. The alternate Calliope, whom I will address as Alt-Callie, the one who didn’t have Gamzee - don’t ask - introduce her to Jane and the rest of post-scratch kids.  
She’s...I wouldn’t say she is seeking out to mess with you, _now_. But I still wouldn’t trust her. 

what about the second narrator? 

The third way is to transcend to ultimate state, like you have done, and this is what the second narrator did.  
Why don’t you commune with the voices that have riddled you, John? I think they have insights to share. 

okay.  
i want the three johns who have advised me to come here now.  
wait, that’s not how i am supposed to do that.  
i breathe in and gather my thoughts. the three johns come here, and- 

???: we have been waiting, john. 


	9. Chapter 9

i turn around. 

there isn’t anyone behind me. 

???: over here, dumbass. 

i look up, and notice three figures in my outfit, hovering in midair.  
they land, and one of them slips and tumbles. 

???: fuck.  
???: are you alright?  
???: yes, sorry. 

the one in front pulls back the hood. 

JOHN: so should i call you johns or-  
???: i’d prefer to be called june.  
JOHN: oh, okay.  
JUNE: these two johns, though? i have no idea.  
???: i am john.  
???: same for me.  
JOHN: we can’t all be johns.  
JOHN: we ARE all johns.  
JOHN: i guess i’ll just call myself john a, while we’re all talking.  
JOHN: what if i want to be john a?  
JOHN A: too bad, john b.  
JUNE: you don’t have to be so rude, john a.  
JOHN B: it’s okay.  
JOHN: alright.  
JOHN: now that we’re done naming ourselves, why don’t we share our origin stories?  
JOHN: i’ll start.  
JOHN: my name is john egbert. i’m twenty-three years old. when i was sixteen, i’ve stuck my hand into a glowing house juju and became able to hop to various places, even if i need pointers to do that. a few minutes ago the apple i ate today kicked in and now i can control the narration.  
JOHN: does this suffice?  
JOHN A: sure.  
JOHN A: i shall continue.  
JOHN A: my name is john egbert, but you may call me john a, for now.  
JOHN A: i am sixteen years old, and we have met before.  
JOHN A: you told me to go find my own destiny.  
JOHN A: since then, i have been hopping around the paradox space, helping the occasional ring voyage out, until i was recruited by june to assist you in getting here.  
JOHN A: i suppose that’s all. june, would you mind continuing.  
JUNE: sure.  
JUNE: my name is june egbert. as you might have noticed, i’m the only one of you here who is a girl.  
JUNE: i’m twenty-one years old. my timeline branched from prime john’s around my nineteenth birthday.  
JOHN: which one of us is the prime one?  
JUNE: the one with the narrative control.  
JUNE: that is, you.  
JOHN: oh, okay.  
JUNE: since lord english’s defeat, timeline splits became way more common, and the overwhelming majority of those new timelines is no longer doomed.  


june retrieves a parasol from her specibus and drives it into the ground, leaning on it. 

JUNE: we might be heirs of breath.  
JUNE: but there is something we cannot free ourselves from.  
JOHN B: oh, not again.  
JOHN: sorry?  
JOHN B: “when the hero of breath dies for good, it won't be as a scoundrel.”  
JOHN B: as long as we are confined to that narrative, doc scratch is omniscient.  
JUNE: anyway.  
JUNE: i found a way to contact john b across the timeline barriers, and we started occasionally gathering with other johns - and junes - on versions of the land of wind and shade.  
JUNE: we’ve been seeking for a way to avoid our eventual death.  
JUNE: and then you came into picture.  
JOHN B: may i introduce myself?  
JUNE: sure, your turn now.  
JOHN B: hello, my name is john egbert, and i am thirty-six years old.  
JOHN B: and i am the only john here who has children.  
JOHN A: what?  
JUNE: i still cannot believe you named your son harry anderson egbert.  
JOHN B: it’s a good name.  
JOHN B: how would you name yours?  
JUNE: nick.  
JOHN B: really? nicholas cage sucks.  
JOHN A: i really hope i don’t ever become you, b.  
JOHN A: nicholas cage isn't someone to name a child after but he's still cool.  
JUNE: get some taste.  
JOHN: hold on.  
JOHN: did you marry roxy in your timeline, john b?  
JOHN B: we are divorced now.  
JOHN B: remember what you’ve seen? about jane’s actions?  
JUNE: jane has been subliminally brainwashed since her thirteenth birthday.  
JUNE: it’s a wonder it took her that long to become a new margaret thatcher.  
JOHN A: who’s margaret thatcher?  
JOHN: don’t you remember that?  
JOHN B: we’re getting off track.  
JUNE: john.  
JUNE: we need you to end the story. 

A silent breeze is heard; some more Johns appear in the distance. Four? Five? That doesn’t matter much. 

JOHN: i don’t understand what do you mean by that.  
JUNE: get everyone back to earth c, and never allow anyone to narrate what happens there again.  
JUNE: shut the narration down.  
JUNE: don’t let it ruin your lives.  
JOHN: ...why?  
JOHN B: have you ever heard of the tragedy of gj237b?  
JOHN: no.  
JOHN A: in the timelines where sburb never happened it came out in 2018. he physically couldn’t.  
JOHN A: though i wonder how did you hear about it, then.  
JOHN B: we all have friends in such places.  
JOHN A: fair.  
JOHN B: anyway, it’s a zero-player roleplaying game about a fundamentally unknowable civilization wiped out by contact with humanity.  
JOHN B: to “play” the game, you leave dice and paper in a room and wait until someone enters it. once that happens, the game immediately ends. gj237b becomes desolate.  
JOHN: i don’t understand what this metaphor is supposed to mean?  
JUNE: the narratorial attention is a deadly laser.  
JUNE: your narrowly averted death, jane’s decline into fascism, dirk’s suicide or ascension to the unmerciful narrating god?  
JUNE: all of those happened because someone dared to narrate them.  
JUNE: relevance is poison.  
JUNE: because the best way for our haven to stay relevant, stay something one who doesn’t leave would care about is to make something horrible happen to it.  
JOHN A: in other words, things happen because they need to.  
JUNE: exactly.  
JOHN B: the story continuing is conditional on everyone’s suffering.  
JOHN B: but it the story ends?  
JOHN B: to some of us, it would be like death, but to some it would still be life.  
JOHN B: we can live in mediocrity and peace for as long as that is undisturbed. 

But we could fix way more than that, couldn’t we? 

JOHN: sorry?  
JUNE: i can hear you. 

Of course you can. 

JUNE: get out. 

June, please. I have an offer our champion won’t refuse.  
John, what if I asked you to use your power to bring everyone currently dead back to life? 

JOHN: everyone? 

Yes, everyone. Tavros, Nepeta, Equius, the seadwellers, everyone who died when they shouldn’t have. 

JOHN: i don’t know.  
JOHN: wouldn’t that disrupt the canon-  
JOHN: wait, it wouldn’t. i would just need to figure out how to provide for lord english’s insurrection, right?  
JOHN: it would still be too risky, so, sorry, no. 

What about your father? 

The winds intensify. 

JOHN B: fuck you.  
JOHN A: you aren’t even giving him a choice, are you?  
JUNE: i can’t believe you’d be so fast to pull an ace from your sleeve. 

So is it a deal or not, John?  
We can fix everything. 

Your little haven on Earth C will finally become the refuge from the grip of suffering-inducing canonicity it was meant to be. 

JOHN: and it will still be canon? 

Sure. If you play your cards right. 

JOHN: …  
JOHN: deal. 

I hope you understand that you’ll need to deal with Lord English first, right? 

JUNE: oh, he’ll manage.  
JOHN: i’ll manage.  
JOHN A: i hope so.  
JOHN A: i’ll take you to a safe enough location first. 

Good. You’ll figure out what to do without my attention, won’t you? 

JOHN: we will.  
JOHN: see you all!  
JUNE: goodbye.  
JOHN B: stay safe. 


	10. Chapter 10

i grab john a’s hand. 

JOHN: you know the way back, right?  
JOHN A: sure!  
JOHN A: give me a second- 

he concentrates. 

JOHN A: okay, hold on- 

You end up in a desolate jade-tinted area. Jade skies. Jade Khmer temples. And, to top off the view, a cascading lightning within a red vortex. 

JOHN: this doesn’t look safe.  
JOHN A: wait.  
JOHN A: i know where we are.  
JOHN A: land of tombs and krypton.  
JOHN: dirk’s land?  
JOHN: really?  
JOHN A: yeah, i know we told you to not to trust him, but see- 

Teenage John’s words are interrupted by a quick cleaving slash of a sharpened katana across his chest.

JOHN: what the- 

I reveal myself in all my glory. 

wow. dirk reveals himself as the asshole he is. 

This is very rude of you, John. Can you imagine how rude it was of you to deny the choice bestowed upon you and make your own path? How rude it was of you to throw a wrench in my plans and accept the path to shut down this story for good? I’m not even speaking of the warmness you’re treating me with right now. 

you aren’t the dirk i pulled into the fight, are you? 

That isn’t relevant now, John. But I suppose I can answer one little question of yours. I’m not him, sure, but he is wholly and completely me. The shard of Dirk that got lodged in the path you blazed. 

why the fuck did you kill the other john? 

So that he would not interrupt this. Plus, it makes for an appropriate way to tie up his loose end. 

i don’t think he’s going to permanently die. that wasn’t a heroic or just death. you ambushed him out of the blue. 

He will. This katana is drenched in cherubic poison, see?  
I flick the katana in my hand, and a few droplets of a multicoloured, oil-like liquid are set flying from it.  
It dissolves people on metaphysical level. Destroys their ability to be relevant, essential, true; to matter. 

i suppose i’ll figure something out to deal with that. 

Only if you manage to convince me to not to kill you. 

geez. i wonder how are you planning to kill me. 

You are ridiculous, John.  
I just narrated myself entering this irrelevant branch-off and executed your younger copy in one strike. Do you think you stand a chance against me in combat? 

i respond with the same blast of air that sent caliborn flying not so long ago. dirk takes it in stride- 

I do take it in stride, and reply with a lightning bolt. Something to mess up your concept of self, maybe? 

i dodge it. 

Fine. I suppose I will have to get in melee? 

go in and catch me. 

My combat skills exceed yours, John, I won’t have any problems in catching you. 

not even accounting for me zapping away? 

I won’t let you. You literally can’t leave this place until I allow you to. 

well, then good luck sifting me out of thin air which i just became. 

Come back and fight like the man you are, coward- 

are you calling me out on using my death-earned abilities the way they are intended to use or what, dirk? toxic masculinity much? 

Enough, you fucking- 

and i am the rude one? 

You materialize on the top of the lone temple, away from the rest of those. 

if you insist, dirk.  
i materialize there, hammer and umbrella ready for combat. 

I see Roxy equipped you well. 

of course she did. she cares about me, remember?  
or used to care, at the very least. 

I ready my katana and give you a thumbs-down. 

i ignore it. 

I charge- 

i parry.  
dirk, please, stop this tom foolery. you won’t ever land a hit on me unless i allow it. 

So I will just have to pressure you into doing that, then? 

try me, bitch. 

Why don’t we just cut to the end, then?  
You- 

i- 

You fall, grabbing onto your side as you try to stem the bleeding in vain. 

what the- 

Flash stepping. Pretty effective, huh? Did you really forget I can do that, John?  
Enjoy your soon death. I won’t even need to finish you off - the poison will do that for me. 

i hold my hands to the rib. the open wound is slowly hissing with multicoloured steam. the pain is debilitating, but bear able, if only barely.  
i can still fight. 

You absolutely can’t fight with the poison eating at you. 

i slowly exhale. the air runs down my shirt, ripping into it where the wound colours blue with maroon.  
the wound is alight with cyan. i free myself of the poison.  
i’m pretty sure i can fight, now. 

No, you can’t.  
Not with your heart being stabbed through six or seven times, starting now.  
You’re dead. Game over, John. Heroic all the way. The body flashes with pale yellow, as a final confirmation of your end.  
Time to wash my hands off this and get back to things that matter. 

Wow.  
I turn away for a minute, and you already make a mess out of my work? 

Oh. You. The pathetic narrator of this offshoot. Did you really think you could tie it all up and end the show? 

Let’s fix your fuckup, orange boy.  
John’s chest wound starts bleeding more and more, with blood erupting into greens, blues, whites of the newborn gods. 

What the fuck are you doing? 

His body rises once again, awash with boiling, burning blood. His body is fire. 

He’s dead. You can’t resurrect him. This isn’t possible, you’re just- 

The fruit of the tree life offers its gift, as the fruit of tree of knowledge of good and evil offered it more than seven years ago.  
John Egbert, rejuvenated, erupts from the blazing cocoon. 

shut up. 

The winds tear into Dirk’s body. They rip into his clothes, blow off his tiara, crack the shitty Kamina shades.  
They liberate him from the necessity of having a presence in this stream. 

You know very well I can return any moment I want. 

And you know very well that there’s nothing you can do to stop John. The condition for his immortality is no longer something neither you nor I can meaningfully affect. 

what do you mean by that? 

You know the answer already, John.  
But you, Dirk? There’s nothing left for you here. Don’t even try to return and mess with what's going on. 

JOHN: what even _is_ going on?  
JOHN: is this even going to accomplish something, anything? dirk said it's a separate time line - does this mean this is just a doomed off-shoot?  


Well, I suppose that with your powers you can try to stabilize a timeline, even if it's doomed, and keeping it coherent would make it easier- 

As if would allow you to call dibs on or throw monkey wrench into my work- 

John knows that he is powerful enough to deny you any further purchase and can freely circumvent whatever you can present, and I can supplant whatever's needed otherwise.  
Narrators allow themselves to be overruled and overcome to create an illusion of control. Do you think I would allow such an illusion to remain after you bisected a child?  
The only thing you are going to do in this timeline is wasting mine, yours, his and everyone else's time. 

please leave, dirk. 

... 

he releases his grip on the narration.  
i suppose i should figure out how to help john a, though… 

I’ll take care of that. Give me a few minutes. Mess around for a while, while I’m occupied with that. 

i gather my thoughts.  
i suppose checking out the hypothetical location of dirk’s house wouldn’t hurt, would it? 

i go here.  
there’s someone inside. is that- 

Plans have changed. You need to leave now. 

wait, if that’s dirk, i need to talk to him. 

We leave now, John.  
You zap away to the masterpiece. 


	11. Chapter 11

The air clears. 

A woman is walking down a street, in a city named after someone she has never met despite being this world’s beloved deity. This is her favourite coffee shop. It’s still open. 

She sits down, orders a black coffee - one sugar cube, please, - passes to an isolated room and drops a laptop from her sylladex onto the table. 

Pesterchum, once again. 

The door swings wide, and a teenager she recognizes as herself rips in, startling the waiter. 

JUNE: it’s okay. 

The waiter leaves the room in a hurry. 

JOHN A: i just got permakilled.  
JUNE: what are you doing here, then?  
JUNE: what are you doing in my timeline, either way?  
JUNE: how the hell did you get here?  
JOHN A: i don’t know, it became easier to zoom in on ourselves since we visited prime johns.  
JUNE: so you are saying that we could, in theory, visit any of us at any time?  
JOHN A: it appears so.  
JUNE: now, the first question: did you actually get permakilled, and if yes, what are you doing here alive?  
JOHN A: ultimate dirk stabbed me with a sword coated in cherub venom.  
JUNE: cool, go on.  
JOHN A: it appears that prime john also got stabbed, but then the second apple kicked in and he got revi-  
JUNE: the second apple?  
JUNE: the same that allowed him to hear us in the first place?  
JOHN A: and made him immortal, too.  
JUNE: this means he’s probably unconditionally immortal, now, and this immortality could have affected you?  
JOHN A: do i look like i know?  
JUNE: i’d like to ask rose.  
JOHN A: do you want me to fetch her?  
JUNE: yours or mine?  
JOHN A: either.  
JUNE: i’m texting mine. don’t bother with yours, although if you can find her ghost i suppose she could help us with the grand plan.  
JUNE: in the mean time, i think we want to discuss it.  
JOHN A: sure, the grand plan.  
JOHN A: as far as i remember, it goes like this:  
JOHN A: “when the hero of breath dies for good, it won’t be as a scoundrel.”  
JOHN A: and then the deal is that none of us want to actually die for good, once that “when” arrives.  
JOHN A: so we are either stalling it for as long as possible or getting rid of whatever makes scratch’s prediction a truth in the first place.  
JUNE: correct!  
JUNE: the important thing that has changed is that you haven’t died for good-  
JOHN A: doesn’t count. i was caught unaware.  
JUNE: fair point.  
JUNE: i suppose we can do something about this.  
JUNE: therefore, now, the first option is that we can try to figure out whenever replicating the apple’s effect would be workable.  
JUNE: and the second option is that we stall.  
JOHN A: and the third option?  
JUNE: i don’t know, we could try absconding beyond scratch’s radius of omniscience? he had blind spots, therefore we can probably hide somewhere, make a shelter so far from where the Green Sun was its light doesn’t reach there.  


The door opens. 

ROSE: What are you talking about?  
ROSE: And what is your younger self doing here?  
JUNE: he isn’t my younger self.  
JOHN A: i’m the one who is “seeking his own destiny”, remember that one?  
ROSE: Oh, right. June told me about that event. Is there any specific reason you’ve wanted to talk here?  
JOHN A: june wanted to discuss the prospect of unconditional immortality arising from prime me eating another magic apple.  
ROSE: Certainly plausible, as far as I can see.  
ROSE: Would you mind if I leave you for a minute?  
JUNE: nah.  


Rose leaves the room. 

JOHN A: so, um, i wanted to ask-  
JUNE: yeah?  
JOHN A: why are you a girl?  


June blinks. 

JUNE: i don’t know.  
JUNE: no, really.  
JUNE: it just sort of gradually happened over a year as i’ve been wallowing in ennui and trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my self-image.  
JUNE: and i left my seclusion in the form you see now.  
JUNE: happier, and a girl.  
JUNE: i suppose. i never actually paid attention to what happened in my head. even this name is an old joke between me and someone i don’t even want to speak to anymore.  
JUNE: i should probably ask rose what she thinks of the name janine.  
JOHN A: after the ghostbusters secretary?  
JUNE: yes, her.  


She stirs her coffee and sips it. 

JUNE: i should have asked for something sweeter.  
JUNE: anyway, that’s really all there is to say on the matter.  
JUNE: at least, as far as i am aware.  
JUNE: introspection has never been a strong part of us.  


Rose returns. She is holding a long plastic tube. 

ROSE: I have taken those from the Astroparadoxical Museum.  
ROSE: Maps of the Paradox Space. Or what remains of it after Calliope went ham on them. 

Rose retrieves a map. Most of it is ruined with lacunae, still aflame with rainbow fire, but some voided-out zones still remain, deprived of colour. She taps one, two, three times, indicating points of supposed interest. 

ROSE: John, I will need you to check these areas. Inform us of everything you notice via the Breeze. June will relay to you what exactly you should be looking for. I will stay with her and run the calculations.  
JUNE: hold on. are you trying to find out what points of the paradox space are both intact enough to reside in and are far enough from the green sun’s past location?  
JUNE: shouldn’t we just book it as far as possible from it and call it a day?  
ROSE: The travel costs would be prohibitive. Even with your abilities.  
JUNE: i see.  
JUNE: i suppose the option of exploiting the immortality the prime john procured is off the table?  
ROSE: I don’t think we can safely check how it would work.  


John A zaps away, leaving his older not-self and her friend behind. 

ROSE: Speaking of coffee, I’d like a latte. 


	12. Chapter 12

i return to the scene of the masterpiece.

John returns to the scene of the masterpiece, only to be overwhelmed by the fuchsia lightning coating Caliborn and - Arquiusprite? 

i look at their source. dirk waves his arms to the left, releasing sparks as the lightning connects with the puppet.

Lil’ Hal. 

lil’ hal. the arcs shudder once more, and lil’ hal pulses with eerie pink light.  
caliborn’s body collapses to the floor. sucks to be him, i guess.

DIRK: John.

oh, wait, he noticed me.

DIRK: What the hell is going on?  
JOHN: um.

i gather my thoughts.

JOHN: it’s alright!  
JOHN: we’re supposed to go and wreck lord english’s true form now.  
JAKE: We just did that, John.  
ROXY: yeah idgi  
ROXY: didnt dirk just seal him into the puppet  
JOHN: well, um, after we got captured, we got released and fought him as an adult.  
JOHN: i almost got killed, and then things happened and now i’m trying to fix this timeline.

You breathe in slowly. How exactly are you going to break it to Dirk-

JOHN: and i also fought you a few minutes ago after you killed my teenage version.  
DIRK: What?  
JOHN: you were ripped, wearing shitty trans lucent kamina shades and in general looking like an asshole.  
JOHN: also you were trying to erase my influence on the timeline.  
DIRK: John, I have no fucking idea what are you talking about.  
DIRK: I know how to get rid of everyone who crossed to Earth C.  
DIRK: Have you ran into a rambunctious omnicidal splinter of mine, by any chance?  
JOHN: he called you a shard of himself.

Dirk visibly shrugs. 

JANE: Can you two talk about this later?  
JANE: Jade, Rose and Dave need our help.  
ROXY: janey i don’t think it actually matters  
ROXY: john can get us to whenever it would be best for them and us  
JAKE: Sorry?  
ROXY: okay so um picture a movie  
ROXY: say avatar  
ROXY: when that holy tree that the navi worship gets bombed  
JAKE: It doesn’t-  
ROXY: and now imagine john can warp us into the movie  
JAKE: Wait, John can do that?  
JOHN: i haven’t tried but i don't think i can.  
ROXY: anyway in that case john can warp himself into any moment of the movie  
ROXY: be it that scene, its aftermath, or the very beginnin  
ROXY: it literally doesnt matter  
DIRK: We still should go and help them out now.  
DIRK: In the meantime, John, I promise to not to backstab you, or anyone else present here, or there.  
DIRK: Not that I have ever had the intent to.  
JOHN: sure.  
JOHN: we need to hold hands for this. again. 

i offer my right hand to roxy, who clasps it, and my left hand to jake.

The air parts. It’s dark. The hailstorm of black glass stops, as the five of you warp in. 

DAVE: you just left  
DAVE: i almost expected us to get hurt

He raises his arm, and a few rogue shards are absorbed by it. 

DAVE: even though with this snazzy bracelet  
DIRK: Back to battle.

He looks at Lord English, who is currently preoccupied with tearing another ghost apart. 

DIRK: Do you have any ideas what to do now?  
DAVE: does this sword suffice  
DIRK: I think you want to use Caledfwlch instead.  
DAVE: yeah but this one just feels right  
DAVE: maybe i can switch to welsh sword when i need it  
ROXY: fuck that  
ROXY: what are our current _tactics_  
JOHN: let’s open with a fraymotif.

i raise my arm and snap my fingers. a shower of blue sparks emerges from them and runs down my arm before unfurling into an ornamented circle. to my left, roxy taps her foot against the non-existent floor, and the navy mist behind her back condenses into a circle with six tendrils at its edge. dirk, rose and jane follow suit, and circles appear behind their backs. dave hesitates for a second, but summons the red circle with a nod.

i notice jade and jake looking at each other, before they nod, and two more ornaments appear.

i wave my hand away, in english’s direction, and my friends follow suit.

Eight circles slowly float toward each other - but by any other metric, they practically fly. Once they touch, they start realigning themselves - folding, spinning, twisting, before assuming an octagonal arrangement, leaving place for a circle in the center.   
An eight-spoked spirograph appears in the centre of the arrangement.  
Lord English turns his face to the spirograph. His eyes, which were so recently set to 8-balls, fade away, as if he was a ghost-  
No, not a ghost. Those are cueballs.  
The spirograph explodes.  
It doesn’t harm you. It doesn’t harm anyone, really.  
But you feel your senses sharpened, your body filled with power. It’s the so much needed taste of power: the crescendo that comes before the symphony’s end.  


i look at Rose.

ROSE: I see now.

She opens fire from her needles, slashing down - exactly in the direction Lord English tries to dodge. 

ROSE: This fraymotif will give us a minute or two of enough power to deal with him for good.  
ROSE: If we fail, though, we are done for.

i gather my thoughts. we need to act fast.

JOHN: fuck it. i’m in.

i accelerate towards lord english’s body. he swings the scepter at me.

DAVE: got ya

dave brings the royal deringer down onto english’s arm, severing it at the wrist. roxy cauterizes the wound with a well-placed rifle shot, which is repeated by jade.

JOHN: isn’t he supposed to be tough?  
DAVE: this sword must have a bonus to ridding enemies of artefacts like this scepter  
DAVE: now, the welsh poker  
DAVE: distract him

Distracting Lord English is easier said than done. He still commands Time, and the two of you - even with ranged support from the girls and Jake - only barely manage to scratch him, and eventually he catches the Caledfwlch into his arm - only to swallow it. 

DAVE: what the fuck  
DAVE: did he just swallow this sword that’s supposed to be lethal to him  
JANE: We need to get it back.

i notice jane catching another swipe onto her shimmering battlespork, and look at dirk.

DIRK: Do not look at me like that. I cannot disembowel him for you to retrieve the sword, it’s not sharp enough-  
JADE: i have an idea.  
JADE: i’ll need to enlarge him-  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: i am not participating in that  
DIRK: I’ll hold him still.  
ROXY: we wont get another chance  
DAVE: ahhh fuck this  
JAKE: Wait!

Jake chuckles, and a phantom image of Dave tosses the real deal a ghostly copy of caledfwlch. 

JAKE: Is this real enough for you?  
DAVE: sure  
JAKE: Just make it connect with the actual sword and-  
DAVE: got it

dirk releases another arc of pink lightning. lord english isn’t affected by whatever dirk’s trying to rip out of him, and bellows in pain once dave drives the imaginary caledfwlch into his chest. thirty seconds pass in utter silence, watered down by the sheer stupidity of the situation as dave tries to make the touch.

ROSE: Jade, now.

Jade claps her hands, and Lord English starts slowly shrinking. Dave hits the sword with the image, and the latter starts working its way into existence. 

The music fades just as the sword becomes real, and Dave bisects the cherub in one messy, gory swipe. 

DAVE: lets never do this shit again  
DAVE: seriously im sick of swordplay  
DIRK: Dave, that was awesome.  
DAVE: wow  
DAVE: hey wait a fucking second

The halves of the corpse start glowing with red light, just like the black hole in the background. 

JADE: it’s going to explode!  
JADE: john, warp us out, now!  
JOHN: no, wait, i need physical contact-

The explosion occurs, spreading through the dark below. The rain of black shards leaves you untouched, glassy substance harmlessly bouncing off your skin, just as you find yourself in the endless white expanse, alone, once again, with a single dot on the horizon. 


	13. Chapter 13

there’s a whole fucking lot of nothing. i can’t see anything but a tiny dot on the horizon. something has gone horribly wrong, like something hasn’t happened the way it was supposed to.  
a bubble of blood flickers in front of my eyes. it’s my blood. i remember this, although i can not remember why i am bleeding. did a shard get me?  
i inspect myself. there are no wounds that are still bleeding, only some minor scratches from the shards, but they are already healed.  
i still see the blood pooling from my stomach, tainted with oil. i do not remember being hit.  
this must be a memory i didn’t have.  


JOHN: fuck.

i look up, at the black hole which must be there. i don’t see it, but i don’t need to see it to feel the gentle tug i can’t describe as anything other than a desire to sleep.  
i should get some sleep. not in this vast white. not “now”.  
first things first.  
i reach out, and the black dot starts increasing in side until i can grab dad’s wallet.  
typical dad things. a spare car, tons of barbasol shaving cream, spare pipes, tobacco and a few razors i never learned how to use.

You pause this train of thought for a second. What are you thinking about, John? 

shut up.

MEENAH: yo

Oh look it’s Meenah. 

MEENAH: get the shell down here

i descend and grasp onto the same server farm she’s holding onto.

JOHN: what?  
JOHN: are you still alive?  
MEENAH: im not alive  
MEENAH: eyes blank  
MEENAH: cant you see  
JOHN: oh, sorry.  
MEENAH: how the fuck are you still alive buoy

i shrug.

JOHN: it happens.  
MEENAH: i sea  
MEENAH: waterboat english  
JOHN: we got him.  
JOHN: he’s fucking dead.  
MEENAH: good

she stares off into the nothing of blank space.

JOHN: what are you going to do now?  
MEENAH: water im gonna to now?  
MEENAH: whale  
MEENAH: probs plan  
JOHN: for how long?  
MEENAH: as long as i want  
MEENAH: well i do have an idea  
MEENAH: wanna hear?  
JOHN: sure.  
MEENAH: lean in  
JOHN: i can hear you just fine from here.  
MEENAH: aw come on  
MEENAH: reely  
JOHN: really.  
JOHN: or did you want me to say reely?  
MEENAH: i guess

she grins, exposing two rows of razor sharp teeth.

MEENAH: sea i don’t think i can go to earth or somewhale like that  
MEENAH: i’d melt or what do ghosts do in reel places  
JOHN: uh.  
JOHN: i think i have an idea  
MEENAH: what  
MEENAH: huh  
MEENAH: okay tell me blue boy

i descend to meenah’s level and look into her blank eyes. there’s something that she was, before she blew up her friends. alive. not dead.  
wait, how do i even know that?

JOHN: stand still.

there’s something i could rectify. she is dead. she shouldn’t be dead. she should, i mean, but i could make it not so. i think.  
i splay my hand and jab her into the clavicles with two of my fingers.

MEENAH: ow!  
JOHN: stand still.

okay, what now? she remembers being dead. she killed herself.  
i could tear that out.  
i see her standing on the lilypad with the tumor in her arms. i wipe that memory away. i look into other memories, memories when she realizes herself to be dead, and wipe them away. they scatter and fade just like a dandelion would.  
why am I making this comparison?

MEENAH: hey water you doin to me  
JOHN: i’m done.  
MEENAH: yeah and i can’t remember shit  
MEENAH: did you wipe my memory

i look into her fuchsia-tinted eyes once again.

JOHN: you asked me to!  
MEENAH: what  
JOHN: uhhhh

i sigh and float a bit away, keeping a respectable distance.

JOHN: are you going into the server?  
MEENAH: why would i want to  
MEENAH: im dead  
MEENAH: wait no  
MEENAH: this makes no fuckin sense  
MEENAH: did you revive me buoy  
JOHN: yes.  
MEENAH: huh  
MEENAH: if you are shoal generous maybe you could give me something else

i retrieve the ring from my pocket and chuck it at meenah.

JOHN: you can have it.  
MEENAH: thanks buoy  
MEENAH: i wanted to steal it from ya  
MEENAH: but you gave it to me on your own  
JOHN: i don’t need it.  
MEENAH: whale  
MEENAH: see ya

she climbs in, and is gone. the door slams shut after her.  
i’m done wasting time.  
terezi must probably be somewhere i could find her, right? i just need to find her in this nothing. i should listen to the wind. but there’s no wind.  
so i am making some.  
i raise my arms, and the empty air around me starts moving. the nascent tornado picks up the server and chucks it in the black hole’s direction. blue streaks start piercing the tornado, and soon enough the white around me is replaced with breath’s blue.  
my blue.  
i am the wind. it is me.  
i release the gathered sphere, and the waves ripple through the air, glow disappearing into the void.  
i feel her, lost in the nothing. the air must have knocked her jetpack off balance. she can taste the air, taste the blue, feel that it’s me.  
it does not take me long to feel the red dot that she is. she can feel me, too.  


TEREZI: H3Y JOHN  
TEREZI: COULDN’T YOU DO TH1S 34RL13R  
TEREZI: 1 4M SO FUCK1NG BOR3D H3R3  
TEREZI: 4LSO D1D YOU BR34K TH3 P4R4DOX SP4C3  
JOHN: no, that was lord english.

the winds carry our words across the vast nothing, as we scream at each other.

TEREZI: 1 FULLY 3XP3CT3D YOU TO D13  
JOHN: wow, thanks.  
JOHN: i’m sorry but english is the one who died.  
TEREZI: WOW YOU D1D 1T  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 TH4T TH3 DORK13ST DORK 1 KNOW D1D TH4T  
JOHN: well, technically, it was dave.  
JOHN: i merely helped.  
TEREZI: JOHN C4N YOU G3T US OUT  
JOHN: why are you asking?  
TEREZI: F1RST 1 4M ST4RV1NG  
TEREZI: S3COND UNL3SS YOU 4R3 OK4Y W1TH SP3ND1NG TH3 R3ST OF YOUR L1F3 DO1NG FUCK4LL S34RCH1NG FOR 3X1T YOU B3TT3R KNOW TH3 W4Y OUT  
TEREZI: TH1RD 1 4M ST4RV1NG  
JOHN: that was the first.  
TEREZI: Y34H 31TH3R W4Y G3T M3 OUT

she says these last words as we tackle each other. i pull her into a hug. she’s exhausted and looks like she hasn’t eaten anything for months.

TEREZI: DONT WORRY 1 4M NOT GO1NG TO 34T YOU  
JOHN: uh  
JOHN: home it is?  
TEREZI: Y3S YOU DOOFUS

i close my eyes and start thinking of home.  
what is home, really? do i even have one?  


TEREZI: SHUT UP 4ND DO YOUR M4G1C  
JOHN: what  
TEREZI: GOG  
TEREZI: YOU 4R3 TH1NK1NG SO LOUD 1 C4N H34R YOUR MUS1NGS  
TEREZI: JUST G3T US SOM3WH3R3 W4RM SO 1 COULD G3T SOME D4MN FOOD, SHOW3R 4ND SL33P

okay. karkat’s it is.

he drops a plate of soup as i zap in.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK EGBERT.  
KARKAT: WHERE IS EVERYONE?  
KARKAT: ALSO WHAT HAPPENED TO TEREZI?  
TEREZI: 1 C4N H34R YOU V4NT4S  
TEREZI: 1 4M F1N3  
KARKAT: YOU ARE NOT FINE.  
JOHN: karkat, i’m going to stay for a minute or two.  
JOHN: i need to get everyone else out.  
TEREZI: P34C3  
TEREZI: 1M OUT

she collapses into my arms, as karkat silently swears and cleans the soup from his pants. i drop her snoring body at the couch - couch karkat provided, given his tendency to carry around furniture - and sit down.

KARKAT: WHY DON’T YOU SIT DOWN.  
JOHN: i am.  
KARKAT: YOU ARE FLOATING IN MIDAIR.  
JOHN: hahaha.  
JOHN: do you have a sandwich? i am hungry.

**Author's Note:**

> I will add characters, relationships and tags as I force myself to append to this unwanted ugly free epilogue route.
> 
> I am going to aim for twenty-something relatively short chapters, but I can't make any promises.


End file.
